SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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