We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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