I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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