We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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