does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
