I wish I only lived at night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
