Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hippo gnu deer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
