That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
