Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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