Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
