I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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