No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
