i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
