Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and she was petting her beer can
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
