had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
