Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
