Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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