your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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