What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
