I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
