The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The air was thick with penises
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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