my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
