whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
