May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
