why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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