Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
