I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
