Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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