he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
