The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
