weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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