Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
