Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
