Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
