She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i drank out of a bidet.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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