She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
