you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
