ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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