shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
