Can i not drive my cunt home
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
