Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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