I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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