You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
