We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Even my vagina gasped.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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