I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
