We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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