omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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