There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
