shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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