i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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