I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
