Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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