Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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