I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
