Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
