mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
