this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
